Developing Usable Experiences

So this is the real, the inevitable.

November 18th, 2009 9:30 pm —  46 views

hospitalI don’t want to write this post. In fact, it’s kind of hard to focus at the moment1 as I’m dealing with accepting the inevitable.

I wonder what wise words the Farmer might have right now and sort of wish he were more connected. He’d probably tell me this was normal, and move on to something more pressing like saving a cow or preserving the ground.

But since I’m writing this, alone in my basement, where I can be free of reaction, I wanted to capture the ‘what is’ to some degree. At least I think I do…we’ll see if this gets published or not.

But then, of course I’ll publish it. I wouldn’t want to disappoint Neal Asher, by favorite author2, with anything less than the truth. Not that he’s following. And why would he? If anything, in the world of AI, something would let him know he was mentioned in an emotional post and could inform him accordingly. But shix, who am I kidding. That’s just crazy science fiction.

A cat who has kept me company for years is dying. I would love to be wrong about this assertion and seek validation to the contrary. He isn’t eating, has a hard time getting around because of loss of function in one of his back legs, but in some weird way, we hold out hope. We have an appointment with an oncologist in two days, yet worry that we didn’t keep an appointment sooner. At least I worry about that. Should I have I got him in sooner? Would it matter? Is what is inevitable but nobody has the balls to tell me? And would I believe them anyway?

The wife and I cope with this in careful ways. Threading the days in a balance of avoidance, acceptance, and awareness. But we don’t like it. We very much don’t like it.

Since this is life, and this blog is about life, I’m forcing myself to write about it. Even if I ball my eyes out a year from now when I read it3.

There are a few weeks left in this semester. I’m trying to focus, to deliver quality. And I will. But only when I get past this pain, this angst, this agony. He’s an innocent cat afflicted with something nobody can fix. I have to accept that as real and deal with the inevitable. But I don’t like it one bit.

I’ll keep you posted. Especially if it’s good news. But if it’s bad news, expect another inebriated post. But we’ll get past it, I’m sure. Wiser and damaged for it.

Image: Completely unrelated image commented on before selected. Though having selected it after authoring there is a deviant sense of reasoning. This is a shot of the state mental hospital, after years of neglect followed by renewed interest.

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  1. Thank you backspace and spell check…and bourbon. [↩]
  2. At the moment…don’t get too excited Neal. [↩]
  3. Self…leave a comment on your emotional state the next time you come upon this post. [↩]

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6 Comments 

Comments

6 Responses to “So this is the real, the inevitable.”

  1. Melanie on November 18th, 2009 11:41 pm

    I’m so sorry, Spike.

  2. Dawn on November 20th, 2009 6:01 pm

    I’m sorry Spike. And yes you will cry when you read this a year from now. But that’s OK. Baily is a wonderful cat that loves you no end, just as you and W. love him. It’s all good and sad and hard all at once. Love him now, that’s all you can do.

  3. Dawn on November 22nd, 2009 10:02 am

    So very sad to hear the news of last Friday. I know this hurts a bunch. He was a great cat! What a personality! Studying will never be the same for you I know.

  4. Joseph Bellinger on November 23rd, 2009 4:55 pm

    Spike-
    You wrote this in pain, but you did it regardless. I salute you.

  5. Spike on October 18th, 2010 10:52 am

    Was thinking it’s been almost a year. Searched my blog for this post to find a date to remind myself and of course I read it. Now am crying. Boo.

  6. Dawn on October 29th, 2010 5:47 am

    Not quite a year…but almost. And it feels like yesterday I know…

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