Developing Usable Experiences

“Control is an illusion”

August 6th, 2008 7:54 am —  64 views

There are so many opportunities every single day to practice the awareness of non-control. And by practice I mean recognizing the limits of a situation and your role within it. I don’t always make the best decisions but I know that if I make a bad decision, I can chose to make another decision that tries to correct the ‘bad’ decision…and so on. It requires that I pay attention and not cling to illusions of what I think should be.

Over the summer I’ve been slowly reading a book by a Buddhist priest titled, “Sit down and shut up.” While it may not be your conventional book on Buddhism1, it does a good job cutting through a lot of the crap associated with Buddhist practice. The book focuses on the teachings of a guy who founded the Soto school of Zen in Japan around during the 12th century.

A couple lines struck me this morning.

You can’t control your circumstances. Control is an illusion. But how you respond to them is totally up to you.

How I respond to the challenges and decisions associated with refinishing and selecting furniture, the weather, my floundering golf game, technical decisions, leadership opportunities, family involvement, and all things related to personal relationships is totally up to me. I’ve learned how you respond to a situation can effect how others respond and in that way you can influence circumstances. But control them you can’t.

Take for example the header picture of this post. It’s a shot showing the contrast between my lawn and my neighbors lawn. Five years ago when we moved in and actually had a lawn that I was responsible for, I ended up being a slave to watering it. Not wanting it to die or be brown and crunchy, we responded to the situation by investing in a sprinkler system. But hey, it’s just a lawn. Frogs live in it. I mow it sometimes. Dogs poop in it. It’s just a lawn.

The point is that you can’t control your circumstances. Only how you respond to them. In truth, this is a circular relationship. So relax and respond to circumstances appropriately. And smile knowing that you’re doing all you can.

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  1. By conventional I mean dull, dry, and encyclopedic. [↩]

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3 Comments 

Comments

3 Responses to ““Control is an illusion””

  1. Ma on August 8th, 2008 2:04 pm

    Yes, that is true my son. That is the best we can do. If I’ve learned one thing it is that I can’t save anyone but myself. For years I tried to, but at age 56 I realized how true that is. Why 56? I”m not totally sure, all of the drugs no longer lighting my path could be the reason.

    Also, I started reading “Battlefield of the Mind”, by Joyce Meyer. Abby Mansfield sent it to me. I read the first ten pages and thought I was living in the Old Testament. I will update you as I read of the battle between Satan and God.

  2. Leaf-on-a-tree on August 9th, 2008 8:28 pm

    You have frogs? Wait, I don’t understand, are they brown and crunchy too?

  3. Henderson Consulting » Blog Archive » Control on August 16th, 2008 7:05 am

    [...] was reading a family member’s blog about the practice of non control and found the timing impeccable. This relates to a couple of [...]

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