The Moonlighting Student

Negative traits of the Rat (so it be)

January 2nd, 2008 9:31 pm —  172 views

curtain.jpg

I was pretty surly today. Still am a little bit actually. I’ve been looking for a reason but don’t really have one. Work isn’t that bad, though I could easily describe it as worse then it is. But then again, that’s the Pissy me talking.

I wasn’t going to post tonight because of my foul mood. I decided I’d work through it and see what happened. To get myself started I did a little research on the Chinese Zodiac sign of the rat1. The positive traits are nice but the negative traits are…well…sort of how I’ve been feeling today.

So it be.

Let’s review them: Controlling, obstinate, stubborn, resentful, manipulative, cruel, vengeful, power-driven, critical. Today I find myself feeling particularly resentful, stubborn, and critical. Maybe with some controlling and power-driven thrown in there. I’m not defending these traits, but I am not going to deny that I see them in myself from time to time. Like today.

It takes a deep breath and calm thoughts to remind myself that this will pass. I know that I get like this sometimes. Usually when I don’t feel that I have as much control over things in my life as I like to fool myself into thinking I normally have.

I struggled with myself at work then came home to find myself in my cave, staring at a blank piece of paper, feeling the itch to put something on it but not wanting to ruin the blank slate. Can’t have it both ways. The January watercolor awaits.

So I sit here feeling all rat-like and negative for no good reason. I hole myself up in my cave with a little space heater keeping my feet warm while I stare down my negative traits. I don’t like that I have them but there is no point denying that my attitude and behavior may sometimes be interpreted as such.

What can be done I ask myself? I say to self, “Self! Maybe you should enter a blog post to remind yourself how yer feelin right now and to force yourself to think about this state, these traits.” Perhaps, just maybe, this is a way that I can begin to accept and modify my attitude when I find myself struggling against the negative ropings of rat-ness. Maybe acceptance is a necessary part of it. A strategy that forces you to understand what you have to work with. It’s easier to change something if you have an idea how it works. Not always, but most of the time.

So it be. So I is. So you go.

Image: I thought about trying to draw something to reflect my attitude but didn’t really want to see where that would take me. Instead I chose this picture I took of the curtain for The Lion King at the Detroit Opera House last Sunday night. Before the show started the audience was reminded that camcorders and cameras were forbidden to be used in the theater. This was the last picture I took that night. The red, anxious patterns were the closest thing I could find to my mood right now2.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
  1. I was born in the year of rat so this is my sign. [↩]
  2. Right now is Wednesday night at about 9:30 PM. It’s cold out, classes start in two days, it’s a new year, and there are more lbs under my skin than I’m comfortable with. Grr, so it be, such it do. [↩]

Related Posts

1 Comment 

Comments

One Response to “Negative traits of the Rat (so it be)”

  1. Spike on July 10th, 2008 10:02 pm

    Ha, who is this guy? Me? When? Yes…I suppose it is.

Leave a Reply




Subscribe without commenting