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Building oneself
There is this motivation with blog entries to demonstrate or reveal some sort of wisdom or epiphany about everyday life.
But really, blogs tend to be more about sharing the challenges of life. Which makes me wonder, is there a difference?
The last few days have been “no BS days” according to the Waltzing Bear. Those are my favorite types of days. I would rather someone say it like it is rather than saying it like they want it to be. And believe me, there is a BIG difference.
Saying it like it is keeps things short. There is no superfluous rambling. No blowing smoke. It doesn’t have to be curt or rude, just true, brief, and unattached.
But then there are those that think they are telling it like it is but are only fooling themselves into thinking they see things as they are. Unless you are willing to constantly examine the way you see things, you aren’t seeing things as they are. If you are, you would know never to trust what you are seeing. Do you know if you’re looking at the world through corrective lenses when everything is so clear?
But if you say it like it is, people can get hurt? Right? But if you don’t just say it, is it worse? Sometimes you try to say something without saying something and it ends up getting you into a situation where another person feels slighted and stops being an active participant in things like blog posts or emails or meetings or discussions. I wonder to myself at those times, “what the hell?”. Resentment is a poison.
Like Rattan would say, “anger is like a hot coal…if you are holding onto it, who is the one getting burned?”1
Image: I had to reach for this one. After looking through my more recent photos, this one stood out. I took this while walking into the building where I attended a leadership training course a month or two ago. The building was cold and impersonal, but very tall. This picture, with the small tree to left, was a fitting capture of the experience.
------------------------------------------------------------------------ To be honest, those are probably not his exact words. But they do embody a lesson taught to me by him as well as through other Buddhist texts regarding anger and hatred. The person feeling those emotions is hurt more than those to which it is directed. [↩]
Class via Video
After a particularly hectic day at work I rushed off to a different kind of class. My CSCW1 course was having class via video today to give us a real sense of what video collaboration was all about. There was one small problem.
The professor asked us to split up. One half was to go to north campus, the other in the same building where class is normally held. I offered to go to north campus2. As it turned out, I had no idea where the building was and wandered around until I was able to find it. I arrived at class about 20 minutes late, all sweaty from rushing around. Lucky for me class was just starting and I didn’t miss a whole lot. But still! What the hell was that? I can’t find the building where I’m supposed to attend class via video? I knew where our normal class was held. While I’m rushing around, that classroom is sitting empty and dark.
Besides that being a frustrating experience, today was a mad sprint like every other day. Working hard as always. But I’ll tell you, I’m looking forward to taking a break later this week3. Granted, if this trip hadn’t been planned I wouldn’t be so stressed out right now. But since was planned early in the summer, I’m stressing about what it is going to mean from an academic standpoint. Oh well, I’ll do the best I can. It is what it is4.
I’m up kind of late on a Monday. I was finishing some work on a hi-fi prototype for a project I have in my Interfaces design class. I’m about to hand off what I’ve been working on for the last 3 days and want it to look somewhat decent. It could take up all my time so I have to draw the line somewhere.
Damn I’m tired, again. School is good, this work is good, my work is good…but then why do I feel so damn ragged all the time? Yes, “this too will pass”.
Image: I took this picture tonight at the start of lecture (at least the start that I was there to see). Kind of interesting…a picture of a picture of a picture. Or something like that at least.
------------------------------------------------------------------------ Computer Supported Cooperative Work…this course focuses on computer based collaborative software, like email and Basecamp. [↩]
- I was thinking I knew where the building was at that point [↩]
- Mostly a break. I have some homework that I have to work on while I’m there, but it’s just sketches so hopefully that won’t suck real bad. [↩]
- I have to remind myself of this quite often. I mean really, what can a person do but go with the flow most of the time anyway? [↩]
Another weekend gone
I have to say straight away that I’m not in the greatest of moods right now. There are a number of reasons that don’t include the two band-aids I’m wearing or the hole in my finger where a splinter the size of a pencil was lodged1.
Once again I spent the weekend in front of a computer working on stuff for school. Without any complaining or apparent resentment, W. worked hard on house chores and laundry. While I generally have no qualms about doing housework, it was nice to be able to stay focused on schoolwork. Though I got through a fair bit of stuff, it still feels like I hardly got anything done.
Had a conversation with someone today that didn’t go very well. There I was not thinking enough about the other person’s feelings and I went right ahead and stomped all over them. Sometimes I can be such an oaf like that. Like the Waltzing Bear tells me, “you need to stop talking so much”2. It’s a tough habit. Even now I’m blathering on for no good reason. So what if I’m articulate. “Words once spoken can’t be taken back.”3
Even though work is at a feverish pitch and school is relentless as hell, I’m seriously hoping to enjoy this trip over the next week and a half.
And I rush off sleep. Tomorrow is another day4.
Image: I took this Saturday night looking off to the North-East while the sun was setting behind me. The shadows were cool but by the time I got my camera, they had changed though the clouds were still fairly dramatic.
------------------------------------------------------------------------ Yes of course I’m exagerating, it wasn’t much bigger than a toothpick. [↩]
- Sometimes he just says, “Stop Talking”. That helps me to know when I’m going on and shouldn’t be. [↩]
- A quote from a Pearl Jam song but I can’t remember the title at the moment. [↩]
- As Rattan would say, “The sun will rise again tomorrow.” [↩]
Reflecting on the week
At least today was Friday.
To welcome the fourth new person to our team this summer we had a luncheon at a fantastic place in Chelsea. The food was great as usual. What did I have? Lobster and shrimp fettuccine in a red pepper cream sauce. Very good.
After lunch we jumped back into work. Even though today was company Halloween day, we stayed pretty focused. There was a parade and food and snacks distributed around the building throughout the day. It was a party atmosphere.
W. and relaxed tonight, like we do most Friday nights. We aren’t able to watch our shows together during the week so we record them on our DVR and watch them Friday night while enjoying libations. House, Scrubs, Greys Anatomy, ANTM1. W. eventually falls asleep with a warm cat on her lap and I end up in my office, checking my mail and putting together another blog entry.
Digitizing thoughts is a process that takes persistence, practice, and persistence. Wait, I already said persistence. So I force out some words that are hardly worth reading because someday I’ll look back at this entry and chuckle over what I thought was important enough to articulate.
I played around this morning with the search functionality of this blog. It is pretty sweet. After blogging for over a year now, there are a lot of words to search through. This made me think about how I might cultivate recall by seeding entries for searching later.
Image: On Wednesday I had to part on the top level of the garage off Church Street. This happens sometimes. I usually look out across town because I at least 5 stories in the air. Across the street is a building with all these glass windows. I could see myself so I snapped this quick picture.
Search Terms: friday, common grill, lobster, shrimp, rain, worg, two hearted, lunch, queue processor, greys, damn abc, house, nachos, homework, gentleman jack, cellar number 8, not enough time.
------------------------------------------------------------------------ America’s Next Top Model. Not the greatest show but not terrible. It sort of sucks you in. You have to know who is going home. We makes guesses throughout every episode. T.V. is rotting our brains, yes. [↩]
Happy Hour
There was a happy hour tonight at a brew pub in Ann Arbor. It was for a student organization called SOCHI1. There weren’t a ton of people there but I knew a few faces and chatted about computer stuff and drank a couple tasty beers.
This happened after a group meeting that started at 6:00 and lasted until we got kicked from our meeting room by another group around 7:30 PM. Before that I was working fast and furious on all kinds of things. I rushed from work to a shoe store to pick up a pair of hard to find sandals for W. Poor girl, she’s been trying to get a pair of these sandals online and they have sent the wrong size 3 times! She has been great this semester so I felt it was the least I could do to get these for her.
Most nights during the week I’m on campus and get home after she has gone to bed. She’s usually awake and we chat a bit about our days before I head downstairs to check my email and pound some characters into this blog. Sadly, we don’t see much of each other during the week. We have such busy schedules during the day then I’m gone most of the night. I hope she isn’t feeling estranged. I know I’ve said it before, but she is very supportive of my academic pursuits. Her support helps immensely.
I met a woman tonight at happy hour from the law school at Michigan. Very outgoing and friendly. Apparently the SOCHI group was at the table reserved for her group but nobody really cared. Everybody was drinking and talking about how they’re going to make a ton of money and help people at the same time. Idealistic maybe? Maybe not. How would I know being a corporate code monkey for so many years? Then you have the older students like Mr.Beach and myself that have some scars inflicted by the sharp edges of the real world.2 It’s all good and rubbing elbows with my peers makes me feel more involved. Being a part-time student I don’t get much interaction with other students outside of class. But call a meeting at a bar and I find it tough to pass up. Go figure.
One week from tonight I’ll be hunched up in an airplane a few thousand feet in the air on my way to the big island. W. and I are looking forward to this trip but the pre-trip planning and packing can be daunting. Once I get my homework and school stuff in order I’ll be able to sit back and sip mai-tai’s with a smile.
Image: After I got to Leopold’s I sat at the bar and had a quick bit to eat and enjoyed the ambiance of the pub. To mark the occasion I snapped this picture of the board behind the bar. Ah, bartending…those were some interesting times. Good experience, many memories, lots of lessons.
------------------------------------------------------------------------ Student Organization for Computer Human Interaction. See http://www.si.umich.edu/SOCHI/ [↩]
- Nice chatting with you Mr.Beach. You’ll love Java if you give it a chance. [↩]